what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference