You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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