My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
