More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Randomize
