idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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