Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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