I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
