Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
