I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
