I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
