2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
