My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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