Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
