Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
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