His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
