new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
