My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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