I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
