As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
