Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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