Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
