all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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