So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
