its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
being pregnant is like rehab
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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