I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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