The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
