My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize