guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
