he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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