Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
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