u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
