I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
