My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
no, he came in my armpit
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
