Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
