apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
