He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
