margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
