my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
