I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
