the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
