I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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