I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
