what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
