So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
