I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
and you fell through a lawn chair
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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