I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
