Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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