3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
