i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
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I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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