She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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