I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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