I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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