whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
