he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
