drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
