I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize