What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
