I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
