Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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