fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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