She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
she smelled like a LAN party
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
