My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Randomize
