apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
is this the sara with the beer cane?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
