bring money and cleavage
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize