Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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