I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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