And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
