Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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