My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
