i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Fuck me I smell like cheese
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize