maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
