i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
