Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Randomize
