Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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