Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
