I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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