He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i think i have herpe
just one?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
