In the future we'll all be gay
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
