69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
