five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Boobs are out for the taking
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
