Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
