merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
