I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
