I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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